member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
