Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
