paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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