Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize