Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
