Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
