Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
