he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
