I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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