ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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