I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
