It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
