I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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