so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
only you would photoshop your dick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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