I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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