Whod you bang
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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