Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
