my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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