at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
