And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
