I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
