Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
