And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
