he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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