the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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