it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
