Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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