I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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