I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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