Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
