You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
