I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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