I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
