my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
