Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
