They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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