a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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