so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
