dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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