It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
