Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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