So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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