and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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