people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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