I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
