I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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