My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The air was thick with penises
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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