he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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