it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
