I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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