There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
