I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize