Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
