Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
