i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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