Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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