He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
