he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
