I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
