I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
