the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ketchup is God's man juice
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
