I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
