we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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