On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
