Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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