And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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