either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
