i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
