ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
